Do we make the child happier when we say to him “well done”? No, we teach him to praise as a drug. We all need honest and human feedback, but it does not imply an assessment. What is our habit of evaluating and comparing children?
If one day they appreciated me – and it almost does not matter, positively or negatively, – they told me: “You are well done!”, Then” Five!”, Then” It was so https://tongbigmoney.com/chestnyj-obzor-igry-dragonmoney-krash-igra-na/ good!”, I gradually have a kind of dependence on assessments. And then I begin to do something not because I am interested in it, not because I find myself in this, but in order to praise me.
Dependence on assessments is like a drug. When, without an assessment, I can’t do something very important, I say, I almost screamed to another person: “Praise me! I can’t live without it! How can I live without it, how to move on? Where to look for landmarks?”
And we have landmarks inside. We know well what we want, where to go. Especially if we have not grown up very much, we were not very imbued with an evaluative-comprehensive field.
And then over time it begins to disappear somewhere. Gradually, an interest in the desire to get praise, the substitution of human relations with this very system of assessments, counterweights, and at some point we find ourselves in a relationship of love with our child, but in the relationship of the so-called “education”.
We understand that we almost cannot afford to be ourselves – just love, just accept the love of another. For example, when a person comes to me and says: “I removed the class” or “I washed the plate”, “I read the book”, and does not receive any conditionally facial recharge, at first the person literally runs out before our eyes.
This is really very similar to drug addiction. But if you stop evaluating, over time a person gradually thaws, learns to hear himself and follow his goals. And it turns out that the book can be read, because it is interesting, you can remove in the room for yourself, because you like the order.
Parents mistakenly believe that the child himself will never do what is important, curious, interesting if some adult with a whip does not stand behind. This is wrong. Our children are quite thin and smart to decide without us that it is really important for them.
A person does not act because he is evaluated or compared with others. Against. We have a desire to know the world. Everything is curious for a small child. He looks in all directions, wants to put his fingers everywhere, lick the hill in winter. The world is beautiful for him, everything is very interesting to him. Motivation comes from the inside. And it goes very, very strong.
And here it is very important not to kill in the child this interest, curiosity, a thirst for knowledge of assessments and comparisons: “And that boy read more”, “And this girl made fewer mistakes” … Is it possible to teach someone or motivate to read moreOr teach grammar?
Of course, everyone needs feedback. Everything should be built on honest and human feedback. But it does not have to include an assessment.